Instant Crack-Fic
May. 14th, 2009 06:17 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
joymej.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
cafe_coimbrawarning: mind fck. :D Dimi x Val
A Bright Day To Stroke
Dimidium stepped quietly out into the fresh sunshine, and admired Valerius's thigh. "Ah," he sighed, "That's an emerald green sight."
Valerius climbed off the chocolate and walked gently across the grass to greet his lover. Dimidium patted Valerius on the ass and then tried to stroke him loud, but without success.
"That's all right," Valerius said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not blue," Dimidium. "Not as blue as the time we stroked on the bed."
Valerius nodded roughly. "We were erotic back in those days."
"Our chests were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Dimidium said. "Everything seems loving and sweet when you're young."
"Of course," Valerius said. "But now we're young, we can still have fun. If we go about it careful."
"Careful?" Dimidium said . "But how?"
"With this," Valerius said and held out a bitter pistol. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to stroke."
Dimidium swallowed the pistol at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to stroke careful. They stroked like a cow jumping over the moon. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
---
The Siamese Cat Prince
Dimidium was walking through a bright meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a fresh little siamese cat lying under a tree.
Dimidium skipped over to see the dear thing and was erotic to find that he was hurt! A strawberry cake had pierced his sweet little ass and he whimpered careful with the pain.
"My loving little friend," Dimidium said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the strawberry cake, as gently as he could. The siamese cat cried out and Dimidium's heart ached, like a cow jumping over the moon. "You'll be all right," Dimidium whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Valerius and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Valerius up in his arms, Dimidium carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Dimidium nursed Valerius, cleaning his ass and feeding him Pistol-brand siamese cat chow.
On the eighth night, Valerius climbed into bed with Dimidium. He burrowed under the covers and quietly moaned Dimidium's chest. It made Dimidium giggle and he cuddled close to Valerius, stroking his thigh and singing loud to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Dimidium hurried home so he could curl up with Valerius. It gave him a blue feeling whenever Valerius moaned his chest.
Then one night, Valerius looked up at Dimidium and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a young prince."
Dimidium screamed roughly, he was so surprised. How could a siamese cat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Valerius said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Dimidium said and kissed Valerius on his thigh. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a young prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Valerius," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Dimidium said.
"See?" Valerius said and showed Dimidium the scar from the strawberry cake on his ass. Then he kissed Dimidium and they tumbled on the bed and did a lot of very bitter things, some of them involving an emerald green chocolate.
"I love you," Valerius said when they were done. Dimidium clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Valerius had stashed away.
And if Valerius didn't know about Dimidium's visits to the siamese cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
---
I died. 8D but died satisfied. in a sad kind of way. mmhmm.
http://prillalar.com/drabbles/
Credits to Drabble. [X
-cough-someonemakeasandylune-cough-
.
A Bright Day To Stroke
Dimidium stepped quietly out into the fresh sunshine, and admired Valerius's thigh. "Ah," he sighed, "That's an emerald green sight."
Valerius climbed off the chocolate and walked gently across the grass to greet his lover. Dimidium patted Valerius on the ass and then tried to stroke him loud, but without success.
"That's all right," Valerius said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not blue," Dimidium. "Not as blue as the time we stroked on the bed."
Valerius nodded roughly. "We were erotic back in those days."
"Our chests were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Dimidium said. "Everything seems loving and sweet when you're young."
"Of course," Valerius said. "But now we're young, we can still have fun. If we go about it careful."
"Careful?" Dimidium said . "But how?"
"With this," Valerius said and held out a bitter pistol. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to stroke."
Dimidium swallowed the pistol at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to stroke careful. They stroked like a cow jumping over the moon. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
---
The Siamese Cat Prince
Dimidium was walking through a bright meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a fresh little siamese cat lying under a tree.
Dimidium skipped over to see the dear thing and was erotic to find that he was hurt! A strawberry cake had pierced his sweet little ass and he whimpered careful with the pain.
"My loving little friend," Dimidium said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the strawberry cake, as gently as he could. The siamese cat cried out and Dimidium's heart ached, like a cow jumping over the moon. "You'll be all right," Dimidium whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Valerius and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Valerius up in his arms, Dimidium carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Dimidium nursed Valerius, cleaning his ass and feeding him Pistol-brand siamese cat chow.
On the eighth night, Valerius climbed into bed with Dimidium. He burrowed under the covers and quietly moaned Dimidium's chest. It made Dimidium giggle and he cuddled close to Valerius, stroking his thigh and singing loud to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Dimidium hurried home so he could curl up with Valerius. It gave him a blue feeling whenever Valerius moaned his chest.
Then one night, Valerius looked up at Dimidium and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a young prince."
Dimidium screamed roughly, he was so surprised. How could a siamese cat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Valerius said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Dimidium said and kissed Valerius on his thigh. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a young prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Valerius," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Dimidium said.
"See?" Valerius said and showed Dimidium the scar from the strawberry cake on his ass. Then he kissed Dimidium and they tumbled on the bed and did a lot of very bitter things, some of them involving an emerald green chocolate.
"I love you," Valerius said when they were done. Dimidium clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Valerius had stashed away.
And if Valerius didn't know about Dimidium's visits to the siamese cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
---
I died. 8D but died satisfied. in a sad kind of way. mmhmm.
http://prillalar.com/drabbles/
Credits to Drabble. [X
-cough-someonemakeasandylune-cough-
.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-05-14 10:49 am (UTC)THE
FUCK
/BRAIN
no subject
Date: 2009-05-14 01:39 pm (UTC)/dies by amount of innuendo
we can have so many terms for male genitalia now. xD
no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 04:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 05:13 am (UTC)*goesofftodrabble*
no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 06:53 am (UTC)WELL DEMA ASKED FOR IT
Date: 2009-05-17 11:54 am (UTC)Lune paced up and down, jiggling his neck. His very good friend, Mary Sue Carpet, had arranged to meet him here on the floor. "I have something beautiful to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Carpet was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Lune expected to see her bounce up, her silky hair streaming behind her and her shiny eyes aglow.
Lune heard footsteps, but they seemed rather soft for a delicate and delectable girl like Mary Sue Carpet, whose tread was smooth. He turned around and found Sandalphon staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Sandalphon said quietly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Lune had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so lovingly. "Mary Sue Carpet asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Sandalphon, his back began to throb swiftly.
"Oh," Sandalphon said, sympathetically. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Lune said and caught Sandalphon by his leg. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Sandalphon said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a night sky filled with numerous stars.
From behind a ground, Mary Sue Carpet watched with an interesting light in her luscious eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Lune/Sandalphon". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the rabbit from extinction.
-----------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
OH GOD
Date: 2009-05-17 12:53 pm (UTC)MY BRAAAAAIN D: D: D:
Date: 2009-05-17 12:57 pm (UTC)Some additional crack for your brain breakage
Date: 2009-05-17 12:40 pm (UTC)Krein woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one wonderful box that looked like a cheese cake.
Then Krein noticed that Brais was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Krein thought that he would surprise Brais. Maybe even sneak up behind him and caress him on his beautiful thigh. That always made Brais intoxicating.
Krein crept huskily down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its bad lights, and the presents, heaped up softly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Brais. Kissing someone.
Krein was so angry, he picked up a chocolate from a table and threw it lovingly on the floor.
They both looked around.
"Brais, you lustrous puppy!" Krein yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Krein looked and then rubbed his ass and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Brais said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what an erotic kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Krein said roughly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be golden."
That seemed reasonable. Krein went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a thousand deaths. He made Krein's neck feel all amazing.
"You see?" Brais said gently and Krein saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
Re: Some additional crack for your brain breakage
Date: 2009-05-17 12:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 12:56 pm (UTC)